Parish peer pressure
I remember well my high school years when my parents gave me more freedom to leave the safety of our home and venture out into the world on my own. Whether I was going to a movie, a party, or another social event, my mom would utter some words of wisdom as I left the house, usually warning me to make wise decisions and not to follow the crowd. I understood her words, and most of the time I heeded them. Still, there were times when I didn’t listen and got myself into a bit of trouble. I’d usually justify my behavior with some lame explanation like, “Well, Mary was doing it, and her mom thinks it’s fine.” My mother would retort, “If Mary jumped off a bridge, would you jump?” Touché.
Our parents knew more than we thought, and their advice was likely meant to help us avoid making the same mistakes they made. It’s what parents should do. Like an anchor that keeps us docked safely in the storm or a compass that steers us in the right direction, they provide rules and suggestions to guide our behavior and keep us on the right track and safe from harm.
As a mom, I tried to follow my parents’ example, and I learned that this act of love is not easy. The other parents often seemed much more flexible, and their children were given the freedom to do many things that I would not permit mine to do. I often felt pressured, both by my daughters and the other parents, to compromise my beliefs and ease up a bit on my restrictions. Holding the line and standing firm in my values and decisions required great conviction and courage, especially when other parents allowed their children more freedom.
For the faithful, the Church is our mother and teacher (CCC 169). Perhaps then it should be no surprise to see our churches facing similar pressures from her children to give them more freedom. Offering alcohol at church events is one example. It’s a growing trend that I have observed in numerous church bulletins and diocesan newsletters. Some are nationally recognized programs, whose names and, oftentimes, logos imply that drinking is part of the fun of evangelization or theological study. Some meet at pubs or wineries. Others serve beer, wine, and/or mixed drinks at the parish center.
It’s a tempting proposition for churches that are losing numbers in droves. As a result, many are increasingly offering alcohol at Bible studies and other adult faith programs, in addition to social events. One parish observes the event in another church bulletin, and before you know it, everyone is doing it. Like parenting, it’s not easy for churches to go against the grain and stand firm in their values. The parish peer pressure is real.
Once, when I was leading a team for an evangelization program, several suggested that it should be a BYOB event to attract more people. They told stories of the success of their other ministerial endeavors where wine and cheese were a part of the program. I explained that there were many reasons why this would be unacceptable, one being that we don’t want to exclude those who may be struggling with substance abuse or addictions. Also, the upcoming evangelization event included small group discussions, where the conversations should be authentic and not influenced by alcohol. Someone recommended that those who struggle with addictions could be seated at separate tables. Need I explain the injustice of such an act?
Don’t get me wrong; I get it. It sounds kind of cool and harmless at first glance, and, what the heck — all the other churches are doing it. Perhaps the number of participants may increase, for a while. People may come out when they previously may not have. It all seems to be for the greater good and always with the best of intentions. Yet, I can’t help but wonder: what messages are we sending and whom are we excluding when we choose to lure young adults and adults to Jesus through the pub, the wine, or the food? Does it mean that the Word is simply not enough?
So what’s the harm? There are many. One that I’ve observed is the blurring of the line between the values of the world and the values of the Kingdom of God. The world tells us to “eat, drink, and be merry.” But Jesus says “woe to you” who are rich, full, and laughing (Luke 6:24-25). The rules are different for Christians, and it’s not easy. We sacrifice, abstain, and we always have empathy and compassion for the outcast, including all those who are struggling with substance abuse and addictions in this era in which people are addicted and dying in epidemic proportions. By including alcohol at Church events, we are being insensitive to their struggles and potentially excluding them from opportunities to grow closer to Jesus at church functions (or unnecessarily tempting them). The solution must be more sensitive than asking them to sit at different tables. In the Church, all gather around one table as One Body in Christ.
I believe people are longing for a Mother Church who dares to guide them in the right direction, despite what the other “moms” are doing. While we do have to find new ways to reach the modern world, it doesn’t have to include alcohol or any other mind-altering substance. What people need is to hear God’s Word, in creative and inspiring ways, reminding them to deny and empty themselves, to experience thirst, to moderate those things that the world wants us to fill ourselves with, and to remain steadfast and persevere. They need to hear the Word with clear minds and sober judgment, from a Mother Church who acts with tough love, sets them on the right track in life, and reminds them that the Christian journey always includes the Cross — not a carafe.
